Dressing for success

I’ve often been astounded by the inappropriate way people dress depending on where they are going.

For example, the opera. Many wear jeans and T shirts and don’t bother to dress up at all. Being a favourite tourist activity while in Sydney, as it’s on at the Opera House, many come in what they have been wearing to tramp around the city all day – shorts and runners. (Listen, short shorts on old legs ain’t a good look and I’m talking about the men here.)

Then on the other hand, there’s those patrons who over-dress. Dinner suits and bow ties are not really necessary unless it’s a gala occasion. The same goes for women wearing long dresses, furs and a lot of jewellery.

Last time I went to the opera, daaaarling, I saw a woman wearing a striking red and black dress, red stockings and…red gloves up to her elbows. Such get-up doesn’t make any difference to the music appreciation.

And by the way, you are allowed to laugh at the opera. They’re not all serious. In fact, many of them are meant to be FUNNY.

I’m even more shocked by what people wear on aeroplanes. Tiny little shorts and super high heels can’t be that comfortable on a long-haul flight. You don’t have to dress for the destination. You can change when you get there. And don’t these passengers realise it can get very cold on planes. This may be the only time you can get away with wearing a track suit in public – and jiffies and thick socks.

It’s come to my attention that several airlines have dress codes – and that’s not for the flight attendants. They have them for Economy as well as First Class and Business Class.

For example, one Business Class dress code I read says men should wear:

trousers, collared shirt (no jeans, shorts, trainers, t-shirts) and women: dress, skirt, trousers, business shirt / blouse (no jeans, singlet, shorts).

Passengers are told on this airline they will not be accepted for travel if airport staff consider them to be inappropriately dressed.

But forgetting style for once and in the interests of making people feel more at home on a plane here are some dress codes for a variety of airlines:

Garuda - braided hair, a very bad suntan, tiny shorts, mid drift tops and thongs (if female). If male, stubby shorts and tats are fine or sun-bleached hair and board shorts and of course a Bintang t-shirt.

Gulf Air – very good Kohl eyeliner, which I can never find in Australia.

Virgin – a clown suit so you can repeat all those hysterical jokes they make and at least look like a clown (but they’ve cut most of them out now).

Air Asia – something in batik.

Air France – something very chic like a black pencil skirt, a classic white shirt and matching jacket.

Tiger - a mullet.

Singapore Airlines – big sunglasses, cheong san dress. Men in badly-made business suit.

Air New Zealand – ski gear and a nice, small but discrete face tattoo and dreadlocks.

Thai Airways – something soft, silky and flowing and always speak in a very, very quiet voice.

Qantas – a flak jacket and a set of safety regulations.