Fascist Snorkellers and Selfish Parents

Two of my pet hates are people who hassle you to snorkel and parents who don't control their kids on planes.

I'm sitting on a flight to Uluru - heading there for the 25th anniversary of the handback of this incredible monolith and most Aussie icon to its traditional owners, the Anangu.

Behind me two little darlings are kicking their seats, screaming and yelling, turning their DVD off and on, commenting on everything and being normal kids, I guess except that I don't remember MY children yelling that loudly. I do recall my son as a one-year-old walking up and down the aisle on an overnight flight from London to Los Angeles and being tripped over by the flight attendant.

I think I was crying with tiredness at that point. And the steward suggested I buy some duty free perfume to take my mind off the horror.

Since then ipods have been invented and thank God today I have mine with me, since this flight offers no entertainment service and I need something to block out the noise.

On a recent cruise to the PNG islands when I stupidly left my ipod on the ship I was queried continuously about whether I was snorkelling or not. While I love swimming and will jump into a puddle on a hot day and occasionally will put a mask, goggles and flippers on to look at the fish, snorkelling is not my idea of fun. Must be all that saltwater up my nose and in my mouth after swallowing copious amounts of it, and memories of once being left to almost drown.

While I don't go up to my fellow travellers and ask them why they're not lying under a tree, reading a book like sensible people, many can't see anything wrong with berating me about not snorkelling.

On a tranquil PNG beach I watched the local kids sublimely paddle their outrigger canoes around islands waiting for a catch. Then I donned my flippers and surfed the gentle waves in a gorgeous turquoise swell. This made me happy enough.

Meanwhile mum behind me is reading her book and ignoring the children. I hope these charmers don't grow up to be snorkelling fascists. But I'm not holding my breath.